


In, hold, out.

by Jem (letalloursingingfollowhim)



Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Crying, Cuddling, F/F, Fluffy Ending, Good mum Jane Seymour, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, London, Panic Attacks, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-18 02:35:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21920416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letalloursingingfollowhim/pseuds/Jem
Summary: It's Katherine's random show day off, a thing she would usually relish in. But it doesn't go as planned. At. All.(Panic attacks and mentioned vomiting)
Relationships: Jane Seymour & Katherine Howard
Comments: 7
Kudos: 134





	In, hold, out.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at literally three in the morning last night (it was edited this afternoon though) because I was fully high off on caffeine and anxious. So I wrote this to vent and just do something. It's something I'd been meaning to try out for awhile, but my initial idea was Cathy Parr... turns out that Katherine Howard works better.

Remember: in for five, hold for six, out for seven. That’s what Jane had told her anyway – that was what was meant to help with panic. But it wasn’t working. It was _all too hard_. _It was all too much_. The bathroom was too bright, the floor was too cold – or not cold enough? -, her clothes too tight and too itchy. She was too tired.

How long had it been since she had been able to breathe? Katherine pondered the thought for a few moments, drawing her knees closer to her chest, throwing her hands on to her ears, trying to block out the sound of her beating heart. Fresh tears were streaming down her face as she tried to swallow them back, only resulting in a brief choking sound.

If only she could reach her phone, reach her phone, and call Jane, or Anne, or Anna… anyone, honestly all Katherine needed was a familiar voice. However, her phone was in a bag of rice in the kitchen, phone screen cracked centrally. The thoughts of her inability to contact any of the queens set her breathing haywire once more. It would be hours before Jane was home. Hours.

It was Katherine’s random show off day, a day that usually the queens relished in – a time for relaxation. Usually, one of the queens would stay off with Katherine to make sure everything went smoothly. But today, one too many alternates were off so Anna (who had planned to stay with Katherine) had to go on, therefore leaving Katherine at home, who had insisted that she was “an adult and would be completely fine by herself”. Logically, they all knew that Katherine would have been fine. Would have been.

The day had started out completely average with Katherine sleeping in a little longer than usual, due to the fact that the routine change had been confirmed the day before, so she had almost no reason to be awake. Once the queens left for the theatre around one, Katherine had decided that a nice walk around Covent Garden would be a great idea. Her plans were to grab a smoothie, maybe some cake, and take in the place which she now called her home. It, however, didn’t work out the way planned.

Starting with the small inconvenience that she was ten pence short for the chocolate cake she wanted, meaning that she wasn’t able to get it despite the fact it had already been chosen. It was small but set off of Katherine’s anxiety. It had most certainly been an annoyance to the Costa staff. After that inconvenience, it had been worse thing after worse. Ending in Katherine bumping headfirst into a man, dropping her phone in a puddle, cracking it, and running home in panicked tears.

That is how she ended up on the floor of the queen’s apartment’s bathroom, phone in the kitchen in rice (a task she just about had enough will power to do), and having her third panic attack… or maybe it was just the continuation of the first one?

Katherine hiccuped as tears continued to relentlessly fall, her heart pounding so hard she could still hear it. The worst thing, Katherine noted, about her panic attacks was the hyper-sensitivity to all of her senses. The way the light from the window streamed in and burnt her eyes, the way she was able to hear every little thing, and the way that no matter what she was wearing, it would burn and itch.

Katherine just wanted it to be over.

It wasn’t long before a wave of nausea took grips on the feeble girl; yet another symptom which she could add to the book. Fatigue pounded over her in waves, wishing only for her mind and body to be at rest. Still, Katherine tried the breathing exercises, Katherine tried the counting, Katherine tried imagining her safe spaces. But nothing was working. It had been at least an hour, a worrying length of time, Katherine knew. This would be the point where someone would be suggesting going to a hospital to get checked. Even the thought of a hospital tightened her chest even further, furthering to the point where it was aching.

She was so close to giving up. Letting the panic allow it to take full grips unto her, pull her into the dark and murky depths. How Katherine wished Jane was there.

What time was it? She queried internally; not sure she could raise her head enough to check the clock. Everything was so weak: her head, her arms. To even move from her curled up ball position seemed wholly unlikely. Even as the nausea gripped her further, knowing that she would have to move if she was to throw up.

Dizziness. Headache. Nausea. Chest sore. …Katherine attempted to rhyme off her symptoms, in an attempt of calm list making, a thing which often seemed to help. It didn’t help.

Shaking and taking as deep as a breath as she was able to, she managed to move in front of the toilet, where she just about managed to kneel up to vomit. Dizzy the entire time, Katherine collapsed backwards after coughing and heaving for five minutes, everything the same, nothing better.

And that is when she gave up. Allowed the rampant anxiety and exhaustion to crash over her as her eyes closed over, chest quick and heavy. She blacked out.

“We’re home, Kitty-Kat!” Jane called out, beaming. The show had been excellent; amazing fans, brilliant reactions. Her spirits were lifted.

However, they crashed as no reply came. Irrationally, Jane knew. It was almost certain that nothing was wrong.

“Babes…” Anna started, wide-eyed and looking at Jane. “When was the last time Kit answered anyone’s texts?”. It had been awhile; Anna had been noting. She had sent three inquiring texts, Jane had texted once, and Anne had spammed Katherine with show highlights.

They all assumed she’d replied to someone.

Jane looked quickly at Anna and Catherine of Aragon, an uncertainty present on everyone’s face. “I’m going to check upstairs; she might be asleep,” Jane swallowed, setting her bag down and walking up the stairs. Her heart was pounding. Katherine _always_ replied.

Katherine, still laying on the bathroom floor, was barely half awake; still exhausted. However, the sleeping had helped with the physical feeling of the panic.

“Katherine?” Jane spoke, voice filled with hesitation.

“Jane!” Katherine attempted to make her voice light, but it was quiet and punctuated as a cough.

The bathroom door opened, and Jane’s face completely fell. Her daughter was barely sitting up, pale and sweating, dark circles prominent beneath her eyes.

“My love, what’s wrong?” Jane asked, choking back tears, crouching down. “Can I help?” Jane prompted, knowing that in this state, she didn’t want to immediately go to hug Katherine as an accentuate of the problem would not be idealistic.

Upon that, Katherine immediately snaked herself into Jane’s arms, bursting into tears. “Don’t want to talk about it yet. …and I broke my phone.”

Jane weakly laughed, not finding anything funny, but almost as an automatic reaction. She shifted her weight to find a comfortable position with a Katherine on her lap. “That’s not a problem sweetheart, we can get it fixed.” Jane wanted to add “probably”, but that probably wouldn’t have helped to calm Katherine. “And you don’t need to talk about it right now, lovely. Know that you don’t need to worry anymore, I’m here, I’m here.” Jane rocked Katherine slowly and calmly on the bathroom floor.

“Mmmph, love you mum,” Katherine spoke, barely coherent, calming more and more with each rock.

“I love you my Kitty.”

It would be a lot to explain; it would be heavy to explain, Katherine understood. But she didn’t have to yet, all she needed to do was cuddle into Jane. She was safe again; it would be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone has any Christmas fic requests, you can either message me on my Tumblr (same name: three_amongst_these_tens), or comment below.  
> I know this is a pretty heavy fic, but I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Li.
> 
> and yes, I've still got more Hamiltin fics to post.


End file.
